I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
