This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
