I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize