So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
