Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize