it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
