I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize