When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
