I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
