The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
