I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
