hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
