You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The adults are the big ones right?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
