We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
