i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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