how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
they call him Oral-B. enough said
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
