Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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