I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
