Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish I only lived at night.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
