The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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