it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
