there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I did not marry a roomba.
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