That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
