Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
