i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The feeling are messing with the penis
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize