She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
4 words: hood of his car
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
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