Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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