i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
