Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
