i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
