Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
