why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
