my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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