just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
