i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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