We're like a lot better than the average bears
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
