If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
