every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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