i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
