there's paper in my vomit.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She's the barista slut.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
