I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So squirting runs in the family.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
