she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
