Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
