My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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