It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
