So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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