just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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