Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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