Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
