is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
