did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
