My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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