That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
