Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She is in my trunk
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
