with your own penis?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
