It's Friday. Sex?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
