We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
