I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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