so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
