Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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