At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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