if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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