saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize