You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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