i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
