He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
