hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
