my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
how does that bad decision feel?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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