is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize