yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize