Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
