my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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