you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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