Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
