Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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