6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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