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• (319): View more from Iowa

  Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...

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