So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
