Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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