new low.... made out with someone while peeing
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
