Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize