PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
