Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
