why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
