I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
